Ben Orlove's In My Father'S Study (Singular Lives) PDF

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Additional resources for In My Father'S Study (Singular Lives)

Sample text

Late one night, when I was driving back home after dropping off the babysitter who had watched the children when my wife and I went out to dinner, I felt a sudden impulse to go to the cemetery. I parked and walked across the road to the grave. The shadows under the sycamore, the brilliant moonlight on the meadow, the distant barking of a dog, all seemed infinitely peaceful to me. Although the burial had created the opportunity for these visits, it did not alter my pattern of reading my father's papers.

It took me much longer to find a second spot as appropriate as the Page 10 first. I walked around the apartment and looked at several locations outside the studythe cabinet above the refrigerator where my mother kept some little-used dishes, the back of the linen closet among the extra towelsbut they all seemed wrong. I went back into the study. I could just put the urn in a bureau drawer, I thought, but that seemed disrespectful, as if the urn were something I was trying to hide. The closet seemed the only alternative, a spot where it would be out of Cuca's sight but still treated with honor.

These diaries are really not what I want to read now, I realized, and I took them with me a few days later on a visit to my mother. After greeting her and talking with her for a while, I went to the study, excusing myself rather than waiting for a Page 12 opportune break in the rhythm of our visit. I walked directly to the closet. The ashes did not trouble me this time. I looked right at the urn, nodded at it, and then turned to look through the papers for another set to take home with me. After a few minutes I selected a box containing the letters that my father's brother Max had written to him, and then I returned to my mother.

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